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The Purpose of Pornography: Porn also traps those who lack purpose in their lives.

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Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

In my work with those dealing with addictions in general but more specifically those dealing with pornography use, there’s an overwhelming sense of purposelessness. They may have a great image such as nice homes, professions, and even families but their internal core is askew. They feel spiritually empty and devoid of substance and may resign themselves to using porn/sex as a way to ease the pain that gnaws at the soul.

As humans, we need a deep sense of meaning or calling. Making money for men has often been a mirage. Men may think if they have the right job or make a certain amount of money they have found “it”. But no amount of material wealth or goods can give us what we desperately need- a divine calling that lights our path to our own healing and wholeness.

In other words, we yearn for deep, guidance in finding our spiritual purpose. Without this anchor, one may be set adrift aimlessly wasting time in porn. But it doesn’t stop there, as the search for meaning can lead one to escapism through various hobbies, binge-watching “entertainment”, or find comfort in food and drink only to end up in the familiar place of existential exasperation.

So how do you connect with a sense of meaning or purpose? Ironically, part of the recovery process has to do with shedding the undue weight of compulsive habits be it porn, alcohol/drugs, or the internet, and re-connect with yourself through other means. 

In my work, I offer non-traditional intensives from one to 3 days where a client is unencumbered by the traditional therapeutic time-frame and can get lost in their own rhythm of peace and tranquility. Some of this includes guided hikes in the Pacific Northwest that are not meant to be physically challenging as much as an opportunity to give them mental space to be free from the constraints of daily life and obligations. On a practical level, I hold their cell phones and ask them to power them off during these sacred times of surrender, solitude, and self-exploration.

While each person and each experience is unique, a commonality from clients is the recognition of how much they have spent their lives masking who they are and what they want. Their childlike desires and dreams get reignited and instead of the usual cynicism, a seed of hope is planted into their hearts. I help nurture and support their hopes in these non-traditional sessions and they slowly begin to articulate the changes they need to make in their lives so purpose can take hold. 

For those who embrace their true purpose, the journey will still be fraught with fear, temptations, hardships, and self-doubt, but what’s different is they now stand in eternity with those who have also traveled and persevered through similar circumstances.

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