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Intimacy Disorder: The Root of Addiction

Addictions, Asian Shame0 comments

By Alex Holyoake of Unsplash

What is emotional intimacy and how does this impact addiction? The lack of true intimacy where an individual does not feel emotionally safe to share their thoughts, feelings, concerns, desires, and needs leaves one vulnerable to develop addictive tendencies as a means to cope.

This can be a one-time incident or the cumulative effect of what’s known as attachment trauma where connection, bonding, safety, and trust are compromised. Ruptures in attachments (i.e. with parents, primary caregivers, coaches, and/or other significant figures) can be overt and explicit like physical or sexual abuse where “something is done to an individual”. Continue Reading

The Incel Movement: The Sexual, Social, Recreational, and Racial Implications

Man Up!, Race Matters: Candid Conversations on Race & Culture0 comments

Annie Spratt of Unsplash

They’re teased for being virgins (“virgin-shaming”). This is a new societal shift that has radically changed within the past two decades. It wasn’t long ago when you may have been shamed for being sexual outside of marriage, now you’re shamed if you haven’t had sex before marriage. Think about the 2005 movie, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, where the main character is encouraged by his friends to lose his virginity as an objective unto its own. Now retitle it, The 20-Year-old Virgin, to reflect today’s societal pressure of what age it means to be considered sexually mature. In short, the worldview is if you haven’t had sex by 30, you must be not only sexually inadequate, defective, and inept but also socially.

They’re also teased or bullied for being socially awkward or being different. This oftentimes can be due to physical disabilities, physical characteristics Continue Reading

The Incel Problem: Blaming and Externalizing the Problem

Counseling & Coaching, Man Up!2 comments

Andrew Neel from Unsplash

The tragic death of 10 innocent lives in Toronto is a reminder of the vitriol and hate stemming from a minority viewpoint from within a fringe group known as “involuntary celibates” or Incels for short.

25 year old Alek Minassian intentionally struck a number of people on a busy Toronto street with a rental van and was charged today with 10 counts of murder and 13 counts of attempted murder.

Police say on the suspect’s social media accounts, messages read: “The Incel Rebellion has already begun! We will overthrow all the Chads and Stacys! All hail the Supreme Gentleman Elliot Rodger!” Continue Reading

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