Asian Shame & Blame: How cultural shame and blame are used to maintain honor even at the expense of appearing judgmental, self-righteous, or lacking empathy.
The traditional Asian worldview is one where shame and blame are commonplace. I was reminded of that recently when giving a personality questionnaire to measure an Asian client’s level of empathy and came across a question to the effect of, “If a friend was ripped off by a con artist, how would you respond?” The client answered in a very traditional way, “That person deserved it!” In American or Western psychological profiles, that would be deemed unsympathetic to another’s plight. But the cultural consideration that this is how the majority of Asians would answer got me thinking about how deep-seated a lack of empathy can be among some Asians.
Asian Shame & the Imposter Syndrome
When Asian clients come to counseling, generations of habits, thoughts, and beliefs follow them. One of the most pernicious is these individuals believe they are an imposter.
They may have succeeded academically, professionally, or relationally by worldly standards (i.e. good grades, distinguished careers, or stable marital relationships) yet deep down there’s a profound sense that something is awry.
The Incel Ideology: Treating Incels is similar to addiction treatment.
When Incels (Involuntary Celibates) or those with “Incel-like” tendencies come into my office or request about my services, they will often first distance themselves from describing themselves as extreme Incels as those on the fringes have been associated with misogynistic, angry, and violent men who endorse killing men and women based on their sexual frustrations.
Yet they empathize with the Incel community’s concerns and share many of the similar ideologies with the exception of supporting the violence. What’s characteristic of many Incels is their cognitive distortions also known as “thinking errors” often referenced in addiction recovery circles.
