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Pastors & Porn: The Unspeakable Truth

Addictions, Asian Christianity, Asian Shame0 comments

Photo by Charles on Unsplash

Pornography is an endemic problem in the general population so it should be no surprise of its impact in church communities.  Yet how many pastors are willing to come forward with their struggles?

In a Barna research study, it found most pastors (57%) and youth pastors (64%) admit they have struggled with porn, either currently or in the past but less than 1% recommend telling their congregation.

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Sexual Fantasies during Sex: What is the Impact on you and your spouse?

Addictions, Asian Christianity, Asian Shame0 comments

Photo by Sabina Tone on Unsplash

Sex with your partner can be the most sublime experience if done with the intent of connecting with your spouse.  However, in my work with sex addicts (and many non-addicts), oftentimes the sex is devoid of connection.  What does this mean and what does it look like?

First off, at its basest level, sex is just that, a physical act of copulation between individuals lacking any desire for intimacy besides two bodies colliding.  This is usually relegated between strangers, hook-ups, and sex with prostitutes.  But surprisingly, it can happen within steady relationships where one partner becomes so emotionally disconnected from the self that the act of sex is purely a means of physical relief and satisfaction.  Some partners with strong intuition can sense this disconnect and verbalize it to me by saying, “It seems I’m being used or I’m just a sexual receptacle”.

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How to Declaw your Asian Tiger Parents: 10 Easy Steps to keep them at Bay.

Asian Christianity, Asian Shame, Race Matters: Candid Conversations on Race & Culture, Uncategorized0 comments

Photo by Theen Moy on PhotoPin

Asian parents can be strict, overbearing, critical, or unloving due to the need to uphold cultural honor, despite the impact on their children.

This stereotypical style of strict parenting became notoriously or pejoratively known as “tiger parenting” from Amy Chua’s best-selling book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. In it, she describes how her parenting style, learned from her childhood experiences with her own parents, fostered what she considered a “better” way to raise children compared to Western or American standards.

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