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Category Archives: Asian Shame

Systemic Sexual Racism: The Impact on Asian-American Men.

Asian Shame, Dating, Race Matters: Candid Conversations on Race & Culture0 comments

Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

In the United States, dating for ethnic minorities is rife with stereotypes, caricatures, and deeply embedded into mainstream media messages especially as it relates to masculinity and virility.

Consider the following: the Italian stallion, the Latin lover, or the Black stud. All of these carry a hypersexual or overly sexualized perception of men from these various cultures. But for the Asian male, he is relegated to the sphere of asexuality at best.

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Pride: The biggest challenge to addiction recovery.

Addictions, Asian Shame, Counseling & Coaching0 comments

Photo by Dev Benjamin on Unsplash

As a psychotherapist who works in the addiction field, denial is often cited as one of the biggest reasons for not getting help. While I agree denial is a huge barrier to recovery, it doesn’t quite encapsulate the condition which keeps someone in denial.

To truly get to the heart of the issue, we need to explore how pride or ego (in contemporary parlance) infects each and every one of us, but especially those suffering from addiction. The pride I’m describing is not the healthy version where one can be proud of a job well done or one’s accomplishments. Instead, the pride that can seep into the soul in a harmful way. In addiction work, pride makes itself known when one proclaims, “I can do this on my own,” “I don’t need help,” or “I don’t need God.”  

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Pastors & Porn: The Unspeakable Truth

Addictions, Asian Christianity, Asian Shame0 comments

Photo by Charles on Unsplash

Pornography is an endemic problem in the general population so it should be no surprise of its impact in church communities.  Yet how many pastors are willing to come forward with their struggles?

In a Barna research study, it found most pastors (57%) and youth pastors (64%) admit they have struggled with porn, either currently or in the past but less than 1% recommend telling their congregation.

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Sexual Fantasies during Sex: What is the Impact on you and your spouse?

Addictions, Asian Christianity, Asian Shame0 comments

Photo by Sabina Tone on Unsplash

Sex with your partner can be the most sublime experience if done with the intent of connecting with your spouse.  However, in my work with sex addicts (and many non-addicts), oftentimes the sex is devoid of connection.  What does this mean and what does it look like?

First off, at its basest level, sex is just that, a physical act of copulation between individuals lacking any desire for intimacy besides two bodies colliding.  This is usually relegated between strangers, hook-ups, and sex with prostitutes.  But surprisingly, it can happen within steady relationships where one partner becomes so emotionally disconnected from the self that the act of sex is purely a means of physical relief and satisfaction.  Some partners with strong intuition can sense this disconnect and verbalize it to me by saying, “It seems I’m being used or I’m just a sexual receptacle”.

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How to Declaw your Asian Tiger Parents: 10 Easy Steps to keep them at Bay.

Asian Christianity, Asian Shame, Race Matters: Candid Conversations on Race & Culture, Uncategorized0 comments

Photo by Theen Moy on PhotoPin

Asian parents can be strict, overbearing, critical, or unloving due to the need to uphold cultural honor, despite the impact on their children.

This stereotypical style of strict parenting became notoriously or pejoratively known as “tiger parenting” from Amy Chua’s best-selling book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. In it, she describes how her parenting style, learned from her childhood experiences with her own parents, fostered what she considered a “better” way to raise children compared to Western or American standards.

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