Category Archives: Asian Shame

5 Ways to Recover from Infidelity

Addictions, Asian Shame, Counseling & Coaching, Dating0 comments

Dave Emmett of PhotoPin

One of the most devastating emotional, physical, and spiritualwounds in a coupleship is when cheating occurs.  Once this is discovered, the betrayed partner wants to know the truth while the offending partner may acknowledge the infidelity but is fearful of sharing more lest the relationship end in a divorce, separation, or break-up.

As a psychotherapist who specializes in sexual and cultural issues, here are 5 areas that are recommended for the relationship to get the healing it deserves in times of infidelity.

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Japanese Shame of Sleeping: How Asian Cultural Shame leads to Workaholism and Sleep-Deprivation.

Asian Shame, Counseling & Coaching, Uncategorized0 comments

In many Asian cultures, work is equated with one’s worth.  Work is perceived with reverence and cultural honor even if it supersedes your mental or physical health.  For the Japanese, extolling work is evident as the country ranks as the most sleep-deprived nation of the world getting just more than 6 hours of rest a night.

The average person in Japan sleeps just 6 hours and 15 minutes at night, an hour less than in the U.S. and Switzerland, according to a recent Wall Street Journal article.  This puts Japan at the bottom of its list of developed countries.

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Suicide & Ethnicity: How Asian shame and cultural stigma make Asians prone to suicide in the U.S.

Asian Shame, Race Matters: Candid Conversations on Race & Culture0 comments

Photo by JodyHongFilms on Unsplash

Suicide is the leading cause of death among Asian-Americans aged 20-24 years old at more than 30%.  White Americans rank second in this age bracket coming in at under 20%.  Among other ethnic groups, Latinos have a 15% chance of suicide and African-Americans have an 8% rate of dying by suicide.

You may ask how culture can play such a pivotal role in this alarming rate?  First off, Asian immigrants to the U.S. bring centuries-old viewpoints on education, mental health, and cultural identity.  First among these is the understanding of cultural Asian shame.  This is the belief that Asians come from traditional collectivist societies that value interdependence over independence.  Consequently, the need to preserve and perpetuate collective honor (i.e. family, ethnicity, society, etc.) is held in highest esteem.  Failing to do so leads to what I’ve coined as “Asian shame”, where one feels they have so disgraced their kin they must hide oneself (i.e. physical and/or emotionally) or rid oneself from society and atone for their actions by suicide (see past blog titled, “Asian shame and suicide”).

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Culture Class: Western IndivIdualism vs. Eastern Collectivism

Asian Shame, Race Matters: Candid Conversations on Race & Culture0 comments

Photo by Andre Benz on Unsplash

I was reminded once again of how stark the culture clash is between Asian collectivist values and Eurocentric individualistic values when I recently gave a presentation at a college focused on the Asian-American experience.

Sure, when immigrants of any country arrive in the United States there will be a “culture clash” of sorts as they navigate a new language, customs, and the nuances of everyday American life. But for immigrants coming from collectivist cultures of Asia, the value differences between East and West can create a chasm between parents and their children being raised in western society.

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I could be Robert Kraft: Soliciting Sex from Sex-Trafficked Women

Addictions, Asian Shame0 comments

When one of my clients first heard the news about New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft allegedly paying for sex from an Asian massage parlor, it reminded him of his not-too distant past where he felt addicted to going to massage parlors for illicit sexual activity.

On Tuesday this week, Kraft, requested to have a jury trial after being recently charged with 2 prostitution-related charges after Jupiter Police in Florida claim he paid for sex acts at an Asian massage parlor.   Continue Reading

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