Category Archives: Counseling & Coaching

The Incel Problem: Blaming and Externalizing the Problem

Counseling & Coaching, Man Up!3 comments

Andrew Neel from Unsplash

The tragic death of 10 innocent lives in Toronto is a reminder of the vitriol and hate stemming from a minority viewpoint from within a fringe group known as “involuntary celibates” or Incels for short.

25 year old Alek Minassian intentionally struck a number of people on a busy Toronto street with a rental van and was charged today with 10 counts of murder and 13 counts of attempted murder.

Police say on the suspect’s social media accounts, messages read: “The Incel Rebellion has already begun! We will overthrow all the Chads and Stacys! All hail the Supreme Gentleman Elliot Rodger!” Continue Reading

The Masks We Wear: The Public and Private Faces

Counseling & Coaching0 comments

In everyday life, we all wear masks.  It’s part of the reality of living that we have different “masks” or personas we project to the public.

But what’s important is having some conscious awareness of what we’re doing and being able to see if the masks we wear interfere with healthy living. Continue Reading

Involuntary Celibacy: The “Incel” Revolution

Counseling & Coaching, Dating2 comments

Matthew Henry/Unsplash

Young men who struggle with finding romantic partners are finding solace in their shared experience with each other.  They even have coined a term, “Incel” to describe their situation as being involuntary celibate.

From Reddit to other online message boards, there is much sexual frustration and angst among this group.  The Centers for Disease Control calculates 27.2% of men and 28.6% of women are sexless in the 15-24 age bracket.  Despite this being in equal numbers, it is men who express the dissatisfaction, possibly due to skewed Western societal views that equate sex with masculinity. Continue Reading

Real Men Cry: Crying is Caring

Addictions, Asian Shame, Counseling & Coaching0 comments

cryingWhen my male clients initially come in to see me they often share painful aspects of their childhood yet look like disembodied souls as there’s so much incongruity between their stories and their affect.

When I confront them on this, they shrug their shoulders saying that’s just how they were raised. It’s heart-wrenching to see so many men tell me they feel weak, shameful, and inadequate for having feelings of sadness, pain, and disappointment. All their lives they were told, “Real men don’t cry,” yet studies show how crying is a way for the body to release toxins from the body. Continue Reading

From Left Brain to Right Brain: Why I Stopped Making “Interpretations”

Counseling & Coaching0 comments

brainTherapy in the past few decades has seen a shift from behaviorally-based theories to one of cognitions (i.e. cognitive-behavioral therapy) to the present day world where bodily-based emotions and psychobiological states are dominant.

With advances in brain imaging, neuroscience is giving us a glimpse to the affective states of trauma, triggers, and emotionally distressing emotions that heretofore was only speculative at best. Continue Reading

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