Category Archives: Man Up!

The Incel Ideology: Treating Incels is similar to addiction treatment.

Addictions, Dating, Man Up!0 comments

Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

When Incels (Involuntary Celibates) or those with “Incel-like” tendencies come into my office or request about my services, they will often first distance themselves from describing themselves as extreme Incels as those on the fringes have been associated with misogynistic, angry, and violent men who endorse killing men and women based on their sexual frustrations.

Yet they empathize with the Incel community’s concerns and share many of the similar ideologies with the exception of supporting the violence.   What’s characteristic of many Incels is their cognitive distortions also known as “thinking errors” often referenced in addiction recovery circles.

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The Incel Movement: The Sexual, Social, Recreational, and Racial Implications

Man Up!, Race Matters: Candid Conversations on Race & Culture0 comments

Annie Spratt of Unsplash

They’re teased for being virgins (“virgin-shaming”). This is a new societal shift that has radically changed within the past two decades. It wasn’t long ago when you may have been shamed for being sexual outside of marriage, now you’re shamed if you haven’t had sex before marriage. Think about the 2005 movie, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, where the main character is encouraged by his friends to lose his virginity as an objective unto its own. Now retitle it, The 20-Year-old Virgin, to reflect today’s societal pressure of what age it means to be considered sexually mature. In short, the worldview is if you haven’t had sex by 30, you must be not only sexually inadequate, defective, and inept but also socially.

They’re also teased or bullied for being socially awkward or being different. This oftentimes can be due to physical disabilities, physical characteristics Continue Reading

The Incel Problem: Blaming and Externalizing the Problem

Counseling & Coaching, Man Up!3 comments

Andrew Neel from Unsplash

The tragic death of 10 innocent lives in Toronto is a reminder of the vitriol and hate stemming from a minority viewpoint from within a fringe group known as “involuntary celibates” or Incels for short.

25 year old Alek Minassian intentionally struck a number of people on a busy Toronto street with a rental van and was charged today with 10 counts of murder and 13 counts of attempted murder.

Police say on the suspect’s social media accounts, messages read: “The Incel Rebellion has already begun! We will overthrow all the Chads and Stacys! All hail the Supreme Gentleman Elliot Rodger!” Continue Reading

Male Intimacy: What is It?

Man Up!0 comments

gay menThey do not love that do not show their love. -Shakespeare

I often throw out the words “emotional intimacy” with my male clients with blank stares as the only intimacy they may have been aware of is sex.  But in my work with individuals and especially groups, I can see them learning the skills even if they’re not aware of what it is they’re learning. Continue Reading

Why women “test” men

Counseling & Coaching, Dating, Man Up!3 comments

A woman in a relationship with a man, especially early on, will “test” him to see if he can draw a boundary for himself. It may come off as an innocuous joke or teasing but there’s usually an unconscious motive behind this. The reason for the testing is because a healthy woman wants a man strong enough to defend himself when being emotionally attacked by a woman. If he can not do this, he fails the test and unconsciously the woman loses respect for the man. She may still stay in the relationship with him but deep in her heart, there’s a grave disappointment that her man can not be the leader in the relationship she so desires. Continue Reading

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