Category Archives: Addictions

The Incel Ideology: Treating Incels is similar to addiction treatment.

Addictions, Dating, Man Up!0 comments

Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

When Incels (Involuntary Celibates) or those with “Incel-like” tendencies come into my office or request about my services, they will often first distance themselves from describing themselves as extreme Incels as those on the fringes have been associated with misogynistic, angry, and violent men who endorse killing men and women based on their sexual frustrations.

Yet they empathize with the Incel community’s concerns and share many of the similar ideologies with the exception of supporting the violence.   What’s characteristic of many Incels is their cognitive distortions also known as “thinking errors” often referenced in addiction recovery circles.

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Millennials love Anime/Hentai Porn: What parents need to be aware of when it comes to cartoon porn.

Addictions0 comments

Photo by Ryan Yao on Unsplash

Hentai is a Japanese word that translated into English means “perverse” sexual desire.  Its porn which comes in cartoons, anime, or Manga format is one of the most popular kinds of porn for Millenials, young adults, and children.  According to one porn site’s analytics detailing the most popular search terms on its site, ‘Japanese’ shot up 4 positions to become the most searched term of 2019. While ‘hentai‘ (NSFW) remained the second most popular term.

Needless to say, this is a trend that is likely to stick as Hentai porn attracts both young and old.  Old in the sense that long-time porn users often need a more stimulating material as they have hit a certain level of tolerance and different types of porn for arousal and intensity.

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The Addict’s Apologies aren’t Enough: How Addicts can take responsibility.

Addictions0 comments

Photo by monica di loxley on Unsplash

In my work with addicts be it drugs, alcohol, or behavioral addictions like gambling or compulsive pornography usage, one trait in early recovery often sticks out-the inability to take true responsibility for their actions.  Instead, these addicts often go to what they know best, a collection of cognitive distortions or “thinking errors” that do little more than keep them trapped in their cycle of addiction.

For example, I had a female client who came in initially because her husband threatened divorce after expressing concern for her drinking habits as she was cited for a DUI after hitting a telephone pole.  Besides the crash, the wife drank an average of a bottle of wine daily, sometimes starting mid-day and drinking until it was time for bed.  

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Sex, Shame, & Suicide: The Impact of Sex Addiction

Addictions0 comments

Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash

It’s not uncommon in the field of sex addiction to hear of people wanting to kill themselves due to the problems associated with their behaviors. The shame of hiding and the fear of either revealing it to their partners or having their partners recently discover their affairs, use of prostitutes, hook-ups, or other problematic sexual behaviors may leave some feeling there’s no way out.

The general public is often unaware of the link between shameful sexual behaviors and suicide. Dr. Patrick Carnes wrote Out of the Shadows, a book dedicated to helping people understand sex addiction. According to Carnes, 17% of sex addicts have attempted suicide; 72% have thought about it. “To preserve his integrity, Dr. Jekyll has to kill Mr. Hyde,” he writes.

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Pride: The biggest challenge to addiction recovery.

Addictions, Asian Shame, Counseling & Coaching0 comments

Photo by Dev Benjamin on Unsplash

As a psychotherapist who works in the addiction field, denial is often cited as one of the biggest reasons for not getting help. While I agree denial is a huge barrier to recovery, it doesn’t quite encapsulate the condition which keeps someone in denial.

To truly get to the heart of the issue, we need to explore how pride or ego (in contemporary parlance) infects each and every one of us, but especially those suffering from addiction. The pride I’m describing is not the healthy version where one can be proud of a job well done or one’s accomplishments. Instead, the pride that can seep into the soul in a harmful way. In addiction work, pride makes itself known when one proclaims, “I can do this on my own,” “I don’t need help,” or “I don’t need God.”  

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