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Pastors & Porn: The Unspeakable Truth

Addictions, Asian Christianity, Asian Shame0 comments

Photo by Charles on Unsplash

Pornography is an endemic problem in the general population so it should be no surprise of its impact in church communities.  Yet how many pastors are willing to come forward with their struggles?

In a Barna research study, it found most pastors (57%) and youth pastors (64%) admit they have struggled with porn, either currently or in the past but less than 1% recommend telling their congregation.

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Sexual Fantasies during Sex: What is the Impact on you and your spouse?

Addictions, Asian Christianity, Asian Shame0 comments

Photo by Sabina Tone on Unsplash

Sex with your partner can be the most sublime experience if done with the intent of connecting with your spouse.  However, in my work with sex addicts (and many non-addicts), oftentimes the sex is devoid of connection.  What does this mean and what does it look like?

First off, at its basest level, sex is just that, a physical act of copulation between individuals lacking any desire for intimacy besides two bodies colliding.  This is usually relegated between strangers, hook-ups, and sex with prostitutes.  But surprisingly, it can happen within steady relationships where one partner becomes so emotionally disconnected from the self that the act of sex is purely a means of physical relief and satisfaction.  Some partners with strong intuition can sense this disconnect and verbalize it to me by saying, “It seems I’m being used or I’m just a sexual receptacle”.

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Sexual Fantasies: How will virtual reality influence sex in the real world?

Addictions, Asian Shame0 comments

Photo by Hammer Tusk on Unsplash

I recently saw a new episode on Netflix’s Sci-Fi TV anthology Black Mirror, which chronicles the impact technology has on society. In one episode, users of a computer game are transported into the game where they become the players. Without spoiling the episode, let’s just say the users engage physically in the video game but the sensations are perceived to be so real that reality no longer can match the intensity of the sexual fantasies played out within the game.

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5 Ways to Recover from Infidelity

Addictions, Asian Shame, Counseling & Coaching, Dating1 comment

Dave Emmett of PhotoPin

One of the most devastating emotional, physical, and spiritualwounds in a coupleship is when cheating occurs.  Once this is discovered, the betrayed partner wants to know the truth while the offending partner may acknowledge the infidelity but is fearful of sharing more lest the relationship end in a divorce, separation, or break-up.

As a psychotherapist who specializes in sexual and cultural issues, here are 5 areas that are recommended for the relationship to get the healing it deserves in times of infidelity.

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Instant Porn via Instagram: What Parents Need to Know

Addictions1 comment

UnSplash Katka Pavlickova

Instagram has long been viewed as a cute, harmless social media site where you can post and share pictures with the world.  Unfortunately, what many parents do not realize is Instagram is quickly turning into a gateway to pornography as its usage rises with teens and young adults.

Statistics show Instagram is the second most popular social media site with Snapchat being #1 among Millennials as users under 35 years old make up more than 70% of Instagram’s active accounts around the word. ¬† Continue Reading

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