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Asian Shame & Blame: How cultural shame and blame are used to maintain honor even at the expense of appearing judgmental, self-righteous, or lacking empathy.

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Photo by John T. on UnSplash

The traditional Asian worldview is one where shame and blame are commonplace. I was reminded of that recently when giving a personality questionnaire to measure an Asian client’s level of empathy and came across a question to the effect of, “If a friend was ripped off by a con artist, how would you respond?” The client answered in a very traditional way, “That person deserved it!” In American or Western psychological profiles, that would be deemed unsympathetic to another’s plight. But the cultural consideration that this is how the majority of Asians would answer got me thinking about how deep-seated a lack of empathy can be among some Asians.

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Asian Shame & the Imposter Syndrome

Asian Shame, Uncategorized0 comments

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

When Asian clients come to counseling, generations of habits, thoughts, and beliefs follow them.  One of the most pernicious is these individuals believe they are an imposter. 

They may have succeeded academically, professionally, or relationally by worldly standards (i.e. good grades, distinguished careers, or stable marital relationships) yet deep down there’s a profound sense that something is awry.

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The Purpose of Pornography: Porn also traps those who lack purpose in their lives.

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Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

In my work with those dealing with addictions in general but more specifically those dealing with pornography use, there’s an overwhelming sense of purposelessness. They may have a great image such as nice homes, professions, and even families but their internal core is askew. They feel spiritually empty and devoid of substance and may resign themselves to using porn/sex as a way to ease the pain that gnaws at the soul.

As humans, we need a deep sense of meaning or calling. Making money for men has often been a mirage. Men may think if they have the right job or make a certain amount of money they have found “it”. But no amount of material wealth or goods can give us what we desperately need- a divine calling that lights our path to our own healing and wholeness.

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Where are all the White Actors?: My own racism against a multicultural cast.

Race Matters: Candid Conversations on Race & Culture, Uncategorized0 comments

I was watching an episode of Black Mirror on Netflix recently and couldn’t pinpoint why I was internally upset. It had nothing to do with the storylines or acting as both were great but had everything to do with seemed like too many ethnic actors.

It sounds hypocritical coming from me as an Asian-American therapist who focuses on cultural issues where I am such an adamant proponent of having more ethnic diversity in entertainment. But the reality is even I have been conditioned to resist it in reality.

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How to Hijack Black Lives Matter: Why people divert attention to, “All lives Matter” or “Blue Lives Matter”.

Race Matters: Candid Conversations on Race & Culture, Uncategorized0 comments

Photo by Mike Von on UnSplash

It’s so hard for some Americans to understand the slogan, mantra, and heart behind, “Black Lives Matter” (BLM for short).  Three words that somehow infuriate certain white Americans and get them defensive, angry, and responding in a manner that detracts, dismiss, and diverts attention to the initial cause behind BLM.

For example, earlier this week, the NBA’s Sacramento Kings’ sportscaster, Grant Napear (who’s white) was in a Twitter exchange with former Kings center DeMarcus Cousins (who’s African-American).   Cousins asked Napear for his thoughts on the Black Lives Matter movement and Napear responded with, “All Lives Matter…Every Single One!”

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