Asian-American Christian Hypocrisy: A Personal Perspective
We’re supposed to be God-fearing and people-loving people, especially if you’re an Asian-American Christian. But I realize I sometimes let anger get the best of me. While golfing with three childhood friends the other day, a golfer ahead of us approached me and complained about my driving of the golf cart. He said I wasn’t following the rules and wanted to make it known by walking up to us while we were on the putting green.
I managed to eke out an apology yet he took a parting shot saying something to the effect of, “Well, you should’ve known better!” Unfortunately, that set me off as I justified to him that if “I knew better” I wouldn’t have done it. My non-Christian friends told me to just “let it go” but I had to continue to run my mouth only to have things escalate. I’m such a Christian hypocrite.[cleeng_content id=”753047029″ price=”24.95″ description=”Learn more about my personal journey of Asian-American Christian Hypocrisy.”]Another time, I had a recent argument with my uncle about church and Christianity that made me realize, once again I’m a Christian hypocrite. I told him, you must belong to a local church and become a member to truly walk with Christ. Yet in my own life, I’m full of contradictions myself.
My target audience and desire is to reach Asian-American Christians but I resist going to one, saying they won’t understand me. I believe in the power of the local church yet my preference is to drive thirty minutes to the Eastside to attend service. I tell people you need to eventually become a member of your church yet I am loath to make the same commitment. In addition, I have struggles with sex addiction that I believe will always be there to some extent, yet I call myself a therapist specializing in it. To top it all off, I also failed with sexual abstinence with my fiancée.
What gives?
I think part of the reason is due to my own spiritual challenges as a Christian man who dearly wants to obey Jesus yet still is deeply vulnerable and afraid. I fear being alone with no one to care for me. How do I reconcile this tension between obedience and earthly love? Can I still retain both? I’m not sure but my uncle is right when he quipped, “Sam, the problem with you is you don’t know what you want?” I got defensive and hostile thinking it was a shot at me professionally but by the end of the day, he’s right. I don’t know what I want. I say I want to reach non-Christians through my therapy yet I’m afraid to share about my faith and journey with them. I say I want to please the Lord, yet I don’t have the courage to let go and trust God with my relationship or my career. When will I ever learn? When will I finally press closer to God?
Lord, receive me. Hold me. Strengthen me. Help me to live a life that shines for you. Let me acknowledge my faults and turn to you. You are the God of second chances. You do not want me bound in shame. You continue to delight in me. Grant me the boldness to live for you even if it means more pain, isolation, and loneliness. [/cleeng_content]
Christian hypocrite? not really. we’re all only human (not god) controlled by emotions. once long ago at my old conservative church, Faith Bible Church in Seattle, the old pastor (long ago) admitted having thoughts of revenge and murder after someone purposely cut him off on the I-5 freeway the other day and gave him the finger. (he was probably driving too slow in the eyes of the other driver (prob from Cali). He said had to ask Jesus for forgiveness and that we’re all only human so make mistakes. not perfect like Jesus.